This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
