but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
