can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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