dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
