piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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