i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
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