He had one of those small greek statue penises
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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