Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
