Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
