Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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