wakey wakey hands off snakey
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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