You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i think i have two assholes
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
