What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
