I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
