Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm like, not good at living.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
