Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
