Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
