My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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