I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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