Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
