just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
