Well douche your snatch and let's go!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
