He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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