I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
