dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
