my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
