The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
