I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
