im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
