I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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