if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Enjoy the penises
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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