saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
