They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
