I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
