she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
