He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
