I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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