Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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