it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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