The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
