come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
