I looked at my own cervix.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
