i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Randomize
