I love having hate sex.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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