Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
