omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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