she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
