she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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