Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
