Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
