been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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