There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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