i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
