he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
