come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
