I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
