I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
