WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
